Everybody Hates You: Holidays in Academia Edition

Dec 03 2014 Published by under Uncategorized

By special request from Twitter's favorite kitten...

So, what do you all hate about the holidays in academia?

The kitten can get us started:

Oy...

47 responses so far

  • mytchondria says:

    Drink tickets at department holiday parties. I will slip the bartender a $20 and make my annual speech with more than 2 drinks in me you wankers.

  • mytchondria says:

    6 inch poinsetta 'gift' from the Dean. Nothing says "you are a special flower destined to die" like a poinsetta.

  • mytchondria says:

    Fuckken Employee Health people reminding me that people gain weight over the holidays. No shitte you facists. I'm having another cookie just because of you douchebags.

  • mytchondria says:

    Fuckke you Fisher Scientific. You are not having a Cyber Monday sale. You are fuckken bathing in NIH money and just marked that shitte up Sunday.

  • mytchondria says:

    People with jingly holiday sweaters. You sound like you're a fuckken cat, you loons.

  • mytchondria says:

    Undergrads whose Christmas break starts December 6th. Jaysus, no wonder you never get any fuckken work done in lab.

  • mytchondria says:

    Undergrads who send me postcard from their XMas vacation in Hawaii. Laugh it up, Brett/Ashley whoever the fuckke you are. I will make you genotype mouse turds when you get back.

    • JaySeeDub says:

      So what you're saying is...send you christmas cards from Maui, make sure to tweet you pictures from the beach, send you a care package with pineapples and sand. Got it.

  • mytchondria says:

    Senior faculty giving me unsolicited career advice at holiday party. Fuckke you and your hanging Mitch McConnell testicles. I'd be fired if I did any of the shitte you've got away with.

  • mytchondria says:

    You put any Frozen song on your Spotify play list for the department holiday party, and I will take my spork and remove your fuckken eye.

    • odyssey says:

      Seconded. Unless it's ProfLikeSubstance's department. In that case I'll pay the DJ to put the whole soundtrack on a loop for the evening.

  • mytchondria says:

    Don't you dare wish me a happy fuckken holiday NIH. Do you know how many applications I did this year 'for fun'?
    Tell Obama to put his fuckken money where his mouth is and pay fuckken up.

  • mytchondria says:

    Wanting me to bring my kids to your faculty holiday party. They are have even less of a filter than I do and are happy to tell you what a bunch of creepy old doods you are. Back off.

  • mytchondria says:

    Does anyone else realize the family we 'adopted' for the holiday money collection is a University custodial employee? I mean, FFS people, how obvious does it need to be we aren't paying these poor people enough the other 364 days?

  • mytchondria says:

    Having to buy your Chairman liquor for his gift.
    Shopping is like "One for you.....3000 for me for putting up with y'all".

  • tideliar says:

    Secret Santa at the holiday party? I'll give you secret fuken santa. How about a signed termination letter you lazy bastards.

  • tideliar says:

    Time off for the Office Holiday Party? And the Campus Holiday Party? And the Department PotLuck Party? NO! Fucken work.

  • tideliar says:

    Faith-neutral Xmas cards? IT"S A FUCKEIN CHRISTMAS CARD. Stop being so fucing ecumenical!

  • tideliar says:

    The Joy of knowing that essentially NOTHING will get done for 6 weeks because everyone is "winding down" for the "holiday break" then needing to fat asses back into low gear in the new year. Why not just give us all 6 weeks holiday then!?

  • tideliar says:

    Faculty demanding new tools and toys for their February R01 submissions that mean my staff who travel abroad have to take their laptops and we work during the break across 12 fucking timezones and then watching as we get written out of the budget by the time February rolls round

  • tideliar says:

    One thing i do enjoy is that of my staff I have
    1 Xtian
    1 Hindu
    1 Muslim
    3 atheists

    = no fucking decorations.

  • tideliar says:

    One thing I do hate is that now everything is flavored with cinamon and nutmeg, even the shitty coffee in the staff canteen. I FUCKING HATE CINAMON and NUTMEG

  • drugmonkey says:

    You grinches need meds

  • mytchondria says:

    Your mistle toe in the hall way isn't funny. I will fuckken throat punch you for just thinking of that tired shitte.

  • mytchondria says:

    Fuckkers who spray that snow shitte on windows. We don't need it people....the fuckking building and maintence people disconnected all thermostats years ago and its always gonna be 62 degrees in my office.

  • mytchondria says:

    People using green post its to make paper XMas trees in the upper windows of buildings. That shitte is coming out of your paychecks.

  • mytchondria says:

    University daycares that invite faculty parents to holiday parties for the 1 year olds. I'm paying you to take care of my kids because I have other shitte to do.

    (Like make my XMas trees out of post its. )

  • mytchondria says:

    Pot luck parties department parties. Nothing says we are cheap fuckken bastards like a fuckken potluck party.

    • mytchondria says:

      Getting pissy when I wear shirt covered in blood of student who autoclaved the nonautoclavable pans. Again. Its red and festive IMO.

  • mytchondria says:

    News reports about how much of a year end bonus people who picked real careers in business get. That's the kind of holiday shitte sends people to towers with rifles.

  • JustaTech says:

    Not having a "holiday Party" because the VP says "we need to look like we aren't wasting money", not telling the staff that, then having a party at his country club and acting like he's doing us a huge favor.

  • JustaTech says:

    mytchondria; You'll be glad to know that *real* eggnog is heavy cream and eggs and sugar and enough liquor to make it sterile and then set in the back of the fridge for 6 weeks. *That's* eggnog.

    Serve it at a party, then tell everyone that it's 6 week old raw eggs.

  • drugmonkey says:

    Xanax dudes. Look it up.

  • jmcin9 says:

    Departmental trips to help pack food for the local pantry. I can't help there, I shop there.

  • mytchondria says:

    When your Deans BMW buzzes by you with a red nose on the front grill and reindeer antlers out the window....

  • tideliar says:

    NIH Administrators who unveil new Biosketches that will fuck the shit up for any junior/ESI, just intime for Xmas.,

    ASS. HOLES.

  • Pascale says:

    An enormous number of holiday "receptions" from administrators who I know would run me down in the street if I wandered in front of their car.

  • Lady Scientist says:

    Lame-ass holiday parties at ritzy hotels where none of the clinical faculty know any of the basic science faculty, so no one actually speaks to anyone beyond the small clique of their friends who bother to attend. It's awkward, and no one's going to let loose and dance to the lame cover band in front of a bunch of strangers.

  • Lady Scientist says:

    Large plastic "Santa's workshop" installations across campus aren't going to make it feel like winter when it's 80 degrees outside and the A/C is blasting. It feels more like winter inside than outside, even in the summer.

  • Lady Scientist says:

    God, I miss winter. And autumn. In these parts, there are mosquitoes outside, even in winter, folks. I'd like to see the mosquitoes incorporated into holiday themes. Maybe we could have an installation of a sled pulled by mosquitoes, led by one mosquito with a red lightbulb nose....

  • Lady Scientist says:

    I am so jealous of my colleagues who have snowy winters right now. In fact, I hate this time of year because I never get to experience a real winter, anymore. The holiday cards featuring snowy anything just rub it in, folks.

  • mytchondria says:

    Christmas cookies from colleagues. As long as my office is bigger than yours, I'm not eating those poisoned carb balls. Nice try.

  • mytchondria says:

    Ugly sweater days that the admin folks have 'for fun'. Y'all aint exactly snappy dressers in the first place, so how the fuckke am I was I supose to know 'the day' was tomorrow when I congratulated you on your shitte sweater today?

  • mytchondria says:

    The next person that shows up in my office with a reindeer antler headband is getting shot.

  • mytchondria says:

    Nothing says "I'm desperate and alone and doomed to be eaten by my cats" more than the 6 inch plastic tree you set up on your desk.

  • mytchondria says:

    Medical center cops telling me if I leave a 30K University ER bill from our OB/Gyn service with Mary and Joseph's name at the nativity scene again, I'll be charged.